so, how do you love?

i'm eating popcorn, lamb firmly planted on my head, socks slowly falling off, tucked up in the ugly blanket and watching a report on football [goddamnit will someone please explain that sport to me it makes no sense AT ALL] when the horrible truth hits me.

i didn't leave the house for two days. and i spent most of today listening to justin timberlake.

i can't decide which is worse.

you could say i lost my faith in science and progress

last night, after close to two hours of talking about everything from having babies to support systems in friends, kate and i decided that she has an angry vagina that is actually a vortex with teeth that swallows men whole, taking them to her uterus which is in turn a black hole to another dimenion where men just kind of float around, waving their arms and mouthing the word "aaaaahhhhhh" constantly.

fuck, i need to write my paper.

give me your hand

right now it's kate bush coming from my speakers and i've got goosebumps all down the back of my legs. i can smell the way my room smelled last year just before christmas- crisp because the window was frozen open. i can tell you where my coffee cup is, and what each pile of paper is for. if i close my eyes i can tell you where my posters were. i can see the suite, it's purple carpet and non-descript walls somehow containg a bit of who we were. i remember ashley holding me tight as i sobbed uncontrollably in the kitchen in the middle of december. i can see the dishes and feel the glow from caitlin's television.

i can see my mom on eighth street. i see my sister when she was sixteen, her hair tumbling down her back, beautiful as always. i can see james holding a piece of paper up in front of him, seeing something that no one else can see. i can feel more than visualize kevin in a subterranean lair he calls his room, fighting to escape and smiling with a heart of gold and only good intentions.

"give me these moments, give them back to me."

but you're like honey on my tongue

there's something terribly decadent about spending an afternoon naked in bed under a gold embroidered quilt with apples, endless cups of tea, quiet music, soft light and a man named edmund.

[i'll let you figure that one out while i shower and put my pants back on].

wheat kings and pretty things

i'm so inarticulate when i want so much to try and capture it all in words.

have you ever had a day where things start off slower than molasses and stay that way until an unexpected moment forces thing to speed up? and has that moment ever been possibly the most ridiculous and seemingly unimportant thing that could happen?

autum really has come- with the sky hanging heavy with grey clouds over the tops of the buildings- more than half the leaves have been stripped from the trees and lay on the ground, their brilliant colours creating a vibrant carpet to cover the dull pavement grey of my world. the rain that fell today was small and misty and instantly soaked my head and my shoes and my pants and the dastardly socks i was forced to wear.

i converted/am converting compy [the poor old bastard] to itunes in anticipation of one-day-someday getting an ipod. it's out of my league money wise right now- but i can pretend and then jump on the bandwagon of the lemurs of society- i counted seventy three pairs of white headphones [and thus, in my reasoning, ipods] on people today- lemurslemurslemurs with such fine taste.

i have a sudden desire to knead mud with my toes.

i can see the wind coming down like black night

tonight i watched the sunset from thirty-four thousand feet.

i don't think i can really capture that in words, and my camera wasn't with me so i'll have to let you imagine what it looked like with a sea of clouds benath me and a rainbow- a true honest to god red orange yellow blue green and violet faded to indigo raindbow stretched across the horizon.

the complimentary coffee warmed my hands and for a few minutes i felt like i could escape.

you look surprised

ottawa has no subway.

ok, we have the otrain [which is VERY easy to make fun of, i know] but it's very european what with having been made in germany and all and doesn't ever go underground- except for when it goes under dows lake, but i mean, it's only for about thirty seconds.

tomorrow i get to ride the subway in toronto. the east west line- the entire thing.

needless to say, i'm so excited that i think i may vomit.

my mind is filled with silvery stars

i spent more time today walking aimlessly around for no real purpose than normal.

i also said 'out of her gourd' and 'shiznit' in my discussion group while talking about renaissance feminism and laura certea. i'm secretly wondering if the professors are forewarned about me, you know, being told 'yeah, she's the crazy one who keeps food in her pockets and calls it manna' and the like.

randomly, i might have a toronto transit adventure on thursday which will involve taking the subway over the bloor street viaduct. even thinking about it gives me goosebumps. after reading 'in the skin of a lion' it can never ever be the same.

it smells like trees returning to normal outside again.

i imagine that if potential had a smell this would be it.

why can't we just play the other game?

sometimes.....actually, there's no words for this really:

"and renaissance feminism- i swear, if they make one more refrence to how blushing is a freedom, i'm going to carve a swastika in my forehead and go on a killing rampage a la charles manson."

what an angry vagina. oh my.

damn it feels good to have people up on it

i ate so much baguette this evening that i think, come tomorrow, i may possibly be a baguette myself. a crusty one, with a crunchy outside- the kind where the heel of the loaf is treasured because it takes like an hour to eat it.

i figure though, in some odd and obscure way, that i'm just making up for those eighteen months where i didn't eat bread. ever. i looked at it and wanted it but i never ever ate it.

man, eating no bread is a sad thing because it's just so goddamn tasty.