my aching heart will bleed for you to see

monday last was a bad day. actually, let me rephrase that, it wasn't really bad, it was just probably the saddest day of my life ever.

my dad went in for surgey with what was confirmed as esophageal cancer. he spent most of the day in surgery, wherein they removed seven centimetres of his esophagus, re-building it with skin from his arm, which they then had to patch with skin from his leg. in addition to this, muscle fibre was removed from his chest to rebuild his neck, which mainly consisted of scar tissue from the removal of his voicebox just under ten years ago.

needless to say, i spent most of monday dwelling on this, and about three hours that night crying. not from fear, not from anger, not from rage- just from the pure emotion of sad.

the teddy bear was in poor shape the next morning- i always bury my face in it, so he totally needs a wash because he was snotted good. i mean real good. like... wait, i don't even want to describe it good because it's possibly the most disgusting this ever.

poor bear.