they've got catfish on the table, they've got gospel in the air

today the rain poured down in sheets as thick and grey as links of chain fence.

i spent most of the aftrnoon needlessly wasting my time, downloading halloween music for ashley and making apple sauce. the girls are all excited about halloween and i'm trying to be, but i'm having problems getting all worked up about it this year.

it was never about the candy to me. it was the way the costumes smelled, that musty dusty yet crisp smell that embedded their fabric, the way the bright oranges and deep blacks contrasted with each other, the way they crinkled and itched when you pulled them on. it was the smell of the makeup and the chalky way it covered your face. it was being ale to dream it bigger and larger and louder and furrier and deformed and make it a reality without having the entire world look at you in a condescending way.

it was about scaring the pants off of yourself by watching the exorcist or the shining or one of those horrible slasher movies huddled on the floor in front of your television. it was about having to sleep with the lights on afterwards.

it was about being able to get lost in an interior world.

me not being super excited about halloween makes me wonder and worry about myself because of this. if i can't retreat into an inner world, what am i left with?

"with love...hee hee hee..." the vox speaks! been pretty silent lately.

aristotle taught us, via the trogs, that love makes the world go round. [i'd try to explain that, but then you'll really think i'm cracked. go and read the physics. but read the republic first. it'll make sense then.] so.... if i'm left with love, i guess that means i'll be ok.

oh damn- the applesauce!