everybody hurts

i have a love/hate relationship with my [mom's] van.

it's a 1990 chevy astro, burgandy and silver [and brown and orange, but that comes later] with three hundred and ninety one THOUSAND kilometres on it. read: it's a piece of crap that i rely on way more than i should.

in the beginning, it was love. good ole' vanny and me took everyone, every-bloody-where. school was much nicer to get to, and i had more time in the day because no longer was i on the bus for an hour and a half.

then- the alternator died.

people say its not my fault, but i mean, how can you not feel guilty when you're the person driving the damned thing when the damned alternator seizes? so poor vanny is pulled off the road and gets his new piece and it's all good.

then- i hit a deer.

for normal people, this would mean the end of the vehicle. i mean at this point, it already had over three hundred and fifty thousand kilometres on it, and the front end was a write off. an entire frickin write off. but noooooooo- stepfather tom a.k.a vans-never-die!man to the rescue. and so vanny is refitted with a new hood, [ a classy combination of brown and orange and very peely and faded. smashing], some aluminum siding in the engine and i'm pretty sure that duct tape is involved. and off i go again. me and vanny.

things go well until thanksgiving last year when i am driving back to ottawa with heather and suddenly loose power. the warp drive stops. the falcon doesn't go into light speed. say it however you will- something broke, and broke badly. the fan had nicked the power steering hose, causing a massive blow out. so i spend a night in a hotel, and the entire following day stranded in brockville in the candian tire. vanny pulls through though, and after a three hundred and some odd dollars bill, i make it to ottawa with heather.

then, at christmas, vanny just dies. i mean the transmission is in drive, the engine is running, i'm going through an intersection and with a few large and body killing jerks, vanny just dies. it's towed to wiarton and promptly abandoned. until tom resurrects it AGAIN this summer.

getting better milage than jesus at this point.

so, what do i do? i bring the damned thing back here with me. and everything is good. accleration is a little slow, mainly from the poor fuel that buggered the fuel injector last year. it's not pretty, but it gets me there.

and then tonight, after enjoying lost with kate [which included the words 'git' and 'wanker' being said on prime time- MASSIVE.] i hop into vanny and drive home. and just after i leave kate's school, i know. i can just fucking tell.

i make it back here.

just.

i don't think that it was bad for me to have a panic attack to the point where i nearly passed out and almst threw up based on the above related history. beause when vanny goes- its expensive and its massive.

my money's on the rad, based on what i saw. anyone want to make a bet?