i'm moving past the feeling

i like words with double meanings.

takes the word devastating, for instance. it can mean complete and utter ruin; reduced to nothing; chaos. but it can also mean to reduce to helplessness; to render one unable to act; to stop one short, in short. often, this latter meaning seems to be applied to something that is beautiful, something that grabs your breath, something that startles you with its presence in an unexpected way.

i have this image perfectly etched in my head of the way my friend looked when i rounded the arched opening into the front parlour of the funeral home her mother's service was at last saturday. she is tall, and statuesque, and her hands are uncharacteristically still. she is impeccably dressed, and her face is composed, except around the eyes, where the weight of grief has left a hint of its imposing presence.

she is devastatingly beautiful.

devastating, because it is obvious that chaos has been a part of her life for the past five days. devastating, because in her body language one can see the loss she has suffered perfectly. devastating, because she mirrors in her grief everything my heart is feeling for her and for her brother. but mostly, she is devastating in that she renders me speechless- unable to act, if you will- by the obviousness of her strength of will and spirit.

and she is so beautiful it takes my breath away.