with a sky blue sky

i can feel all my bones this night.

there's a cool wind seping in from beneath my balcony door, hinting at deep sleep, reminding me of nights in the past, crawling into my cold bed, the sheets crisp, sleek, quiet like cold ice. but there's also the smell of lilac, the slap of flipflops, incoherency summed up in thier juxtaposition with the way everything feels.

for the first time in almost eight months i bought new music. i baked bread, roast, and swept the floor for the fifth time today to the beatles, lost in memories of barbeques with my father. sometimes, we'd get together, just he and i, and make a ham dinner with scalloped potatos. often it was james and dad and i, with steak, and corn on the cob. and caesar salad with mushrooms.

the mushrooms always squeaked in my teeth, their texture fighting with the crisp of the lettuce and the smooth yet grainy presence of the dressing.

i also bought the new wilco.

its first spin is making me dizzy, lost in memories of second year for some odd reason. it's difficult, hard to comprehend, hard to even explain or voice what exactly that year was. i tried to record it, but there's still a feeling, something missing from everything i wrote about it. i think it's like and old sock slipping into an old shoe. crunchy, worn, full of pulls resting in a moulded, cracked, definitive berth of such distinctive individuality that it cannot ever be replicated of fully explained.

it's late, and my toes are cold.

[the smell of lilacs is driving me batty. i may have to illegally liberates some from a bush near here, let them fill my house with their distinctive perfume. it makes me think of reggie, gone for more than ten years, but who i see all the time. and always with the smell of lilacs].