I'm so used to being wrong, so put me where I belong

walking down bank street, i notice that summer-sky gleam off in the west where the sun has set. you know the one- it turns the sky a peculiar shade of blue that just isn't comparable to anything else in the world.

so this is it. third year is over.

i can't help but think back to what i thought on this occassion last year, or even two years ago. i recall being filled with a sense of wonder, a disbelief of sorts that everything that i'd been witness to- the parties, the room mate antics, the classes- that it could all be ended with one day signifying the grand end. last year and the year before, this day made me nostalgic.

today i'm nothing but tired. i don't want to remember that i missed half of my year, that i buried two people, that more time was spent feeling alone and disconnected than ever before.

god, that's so, so fucking pessimistic of me. can i be any more fucking narcissistic?

[that's the vox coming through there, in case you were wondering].

maybe, maybe i feel this because today's not the end. my kates and i have planned a year end bash that's going to be spectacular. and maybe, on sunday, when i wake up with a hangover and the smell of good times in my hair, i'll be able to look back and see the hundreds of smiles, the cards, the flowers, the songs, the classes, the room mate antics, the random phone calls, the moments of class and everythign else that has made this year so wonderful and for those few moments, i'll feel that familiar pang of disbelief that my year can be summed into a few seconds worth of memeories.

then, with my luck, i'll probably hurl.

but at least i'll have felt that feeling.